i hope everyone had a wonderful christmas yesterday. mine went rather slower than planned, but it was ok. it ended with the traditional Jewish Chinese dinner that it should, and that's all that matters. i didn't get to finish cleaning from the night before and poor jess came home to what looked like the after-effects of... well, nevermind. too soon. but between the futon being in the front of the house, the mattress being shoved atop the Ugly Chair, and half of tana's life being spread between the kitchen and the living room due to a damming incident... well, there's a lot to be done.i have to figure out what's going to happen for the party on monday night. i need to find some way to set up the futon mattress in a chair-like fashion, and get all of tana's belongings tucked away in her new bedroom so the place looks nice for new years. i refuse to have the house look like a dump when people are coming over. until i say it's ok, no one is allowed in that apartment :P
i've been thinking about a lot of stuff, lately, that doesn't really pertain to my life at the moment. however, it eventually will, and it worries me. it's a lot of marriage-type stuff. and it's ridiculous to let it worry me, because when it's ready to happen, it will be because it's no longer a worry of mine. but it seems like the theme of everything these days is prenups, divorce, and beautiful perfection crashing and burning. but then you see those old couples who have been married 60...70 years and have to wonder, why isn't that possible for everyone? i mean, yes, the majority of relationship stories i hear about are on bad foundations to begin with. but what about the healthy, beautiful relationships that start off so perfect and they love each other so deeply for about 3 years and then... hell breaks loose. it seems like an all-too-common story. of course, you never know everything that happens in a relationship that you're on the outside of and i know things don't just fall apart.
and yet, despite all of this, i have no problems with commitment? i mean, i come from a family of no divorces (on my mom's side, anyways) and extremely strong family values. my parents met and were engaged 2 weeks later and are coming up on their 26th anniversary (even in spite of the most ultimate and extreme of stresses that can be put on a marriage). i want that. i want to be in a marriage where divorce isn't even an option. but nowadays, why does that seem like a lot to ask of a spouse? people make it seem like it's unfair to ask someone to promise to be there for the rest of their lives.
i just realized, i have dated (to one degree or another) quite a few guys, none of which were the product of divorced parents. which the exception of one, who i've watched be petrified of marriage his whole life because of how his family was ripped apart. that was always something that bothered me a little, too. not the fact that he was so effected by his parents' divorce - i don't blame him for that at all. i just don't do well with men who are afraid of commitment. i like the men who know what they want and go for it. except in those cases where what they want while they're with me happens to be another woman...
the common advice in relationships appears to be, "be with the person who likes you for you...who will give you what you deserve...treat you like ___...etcetera, etcetera...". this always makes me think. i've had guys who treat me very well, who would give me anything in the world (so they say), and like me for exactly who i am. but i wasn't interested. it's not that simple and the chemistry goes so much deeper than that. it's not just about being with someone who treats you well. there's so much criteria. is it possible to find it all? to be best friends with a person, have them treat you the way you want to be treated, fall completely in love with them, and have them be able to completely reciprocate? it seems almost like being too picky, but it must exist. i mean, i know it does. i had it. but what lead it to fail and is it possible to have it again. it better be, because i refuse to settle for anything less.
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