xmas decor.

Our 3' Xmas tree.

Snowmen creepin' on our TV.

flannel sheets save heat money.

Frame & duvet cover from IKEA.
Plaid flannel sheets from Target (which, by the way, is definitely pronounced "Tar-get.") They're on sale for $15/ea, if you're into that.
King size flannel pillow case from Mom's linen closet. Those are free with biological discount. Black Friday special.

Now, to redecorate the rest of the room. That may have to wait for 2o11...

thanks.

Yesterday was my 25th Thanksgiving. (Kind of a weird thing to say, isn't it?) It was really nice. There's usually 10-16 of us, but it was just my family, G and B. Small and quiet, and far less people to battle for my Gramma's sweet potatoes.

For 2010, I am thankful for:

1. My 3 families.

1a. SO many more people that I would never have the room or time to mention here for their continuing love and support.

2. The amazing job opportunity I've been given.

3. My awesome apartment and roommate.

4. The daily struggles I face that make me a stronger force to be reckoned with.

5. My uncanny ability to attract exactly what I need when I need it most. (See also: shirts that sell on eBay for $1100 right after I quit my job on a whim.)

6. Two pretty solid years of health and the ability to love Thanksgiving for what it truly is...AND the food.

7. Anyone that still reads my blog(s) and, more so, those who comment...

Hope you were all able to enjoy the holiday, Ativan-free. Or with it, whatever.

My mom and I are going to attempt to go shopping today. Wish us luck not dying!

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i cook now.. kind of.

I've been getting into this weird habit lately of cooking dinner after work. Like, with produce and stuff. It's amazing how much healthier you feel when the words "remove the film" don't appear in the recipe.

Now, what should I do with the tilapia in my freezer? And why does Android not recognize the word "tilapia?" How sheltered.

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frostbitten oranges.

I let go of Frozen.Oranges, the blog. (Not the name.)

I lost it. In fact, I kept losing it. It was mostly because of billing errors (I lose my debit card a lot, no one's sure why), but it seemed ridiculous how many issues I had keeping that site up in just the past year. I fought to get it back this time, even tried to pay and GoDaddy couldn't revive it for some reason. I mean, I posted about one time for each that I went through the trouble and long waits on the phone with GoDaddy. Guess it was time to let it go.

Let's be honest, the fruit of my domain was rotting. It's just not where I am anymore. It's not that it's a topic I'm no longer passionate for, but I'm in a very different place. I would have readers tell me they would love to know what life has been since finding full recovery - which is something I could certainly write about - but it didn't seem to have a place there. It wasn't the right tone.

I'd love to pluck all the remains (ok, that pun was actually not intended, but I'm keeping it) from whatever bits of the internet they dwell and keep them together. However, it's been a while since I felt good about pointing someone in the direction of the blog-that-hasn't-been-updated-since-2008 (or so it felt). I didn't feel like I was having the same effect I used to and I didn't feel the pride in it I used to.

I'm keeping the name. It stands for something and people connect with it... more people than I ever would have guessed when I first came up with it. I just believe I need to move it in a new direction. I've had some projects swirling in my thoughts for a few years and I might start to build on one of those. In the meantime, for those who are interested in post-recovery, you got it right here.

couldn't have said it better myself.

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first droid picture.

Dude. This camera is good. I smell photo-blogging. (Phlogging?...ew.)

By the way, meet my 4-year-old...and most patient photo subject.

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to mal & greg.

Congratulations & mozel tov.

Love you both.

Mal & Greg
Sunday, Oct 24, 2010

some dudes marry dudes.

This isn't exactly the post I wanted to put up after not having written for a while (and having a good number of topics going through). It's not that it isn't good - because it is - but just that I consider posting videos when you haven't blogged in a while to be like.. fair-weather-blogging. (Lame.)

Anyway, yes, I'm getting this shirt. Get the fuck over it.

my life is awesome: the academics.

I like that for the first time for as long as I can remember, I get excited when people give me the ol', "So, how are things?" Unfortunately, people who ask that probably just expect, "Oh, good.. the usual." Too bad.

School is not directly amazing, but it's awesome in general. My classes are.. just something I need to get through to get my credits. That, of course, is exactly why I'm at MB; just get the gen eds done and get out. The more in depth my classes get and the more interactions I have with my emotional claimants, the more I realize where I need to be. I'm really excited to have the opportunity to take classes in child psych, addictive behaviors and pharmacology. Oh, and of course, nutritional science. I'm still strongly considering a holistic nutrition program in Cali after I get my BS, but that's way down the road. I get really excited thinking about it, though, even if it's not for a while.

On the other hand, there is the fact that I am going to miss out on approximately 12.5 hrs of class this semester due to the fact that classes start at 6pm and, depending on I-95 traffic, I get there between 6:15 and 6:45 from work. That's 12.5 normal length classes. Oy. Better make sure I do my reading.. I'm thinking next semester, I'll take 1 night class, 1 online class, and a Saturday class.

I'm going to start looking into schools...

a very important date.

On Sat, Aug 29, 10, one of my very close friends had her bridal shower. Since I happen to have first-hand access to the photos, I thought I might show of my POV of the MOH's beautiful job setting up the whole tea party-style deal.

[For more, visit my work at Zenfolio.]

now ('10) and then ('03).

On my (really f-ing awesome) birthday, I went to the Paramore concert with some sweet ladies. It was amazing. I'm not ashamed of the girl-crush I have on Hayley Williams. Of course, New Found Glory definitely opened for them.

So, I went onto Xanga to read my friend's updates who still use it. My last updates on Xanga are from my inpatient days and what lead me to Blogger.. which lead me to Frozen.Oranges. Knowing this, I thought it might be fun to go back and check out my original entries.

My Xanga goes back to 2003 (holy crap). Of course, this means there's some really interesting crap starting with junior year in high school. Before it all. It's weird to see proof that there was life before.. it blew up.

Friday, 25 April 2003

• 'eeey!

  THE HRC/LTJ/GC/NFG CONCERT LAST NIGHT WAS FKNAMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first of all, BS, BD, GM, and AP, you guys kick ass. i had such an awesome time with you guys. second of all, i believe Greg put it best in his profile: "you haven't lived till you've been hit in the back of the head by about 10 crowd surfers." althought, the number was closer to around 30 or so, haha~ it was hot, gross, cramped, and GOD was it painful... and worth every second of it!! i'm damn proud of the bruises i picked up on the floor of the Worcester Centrum. "These bracelets don't come off until they rot themselves off!" damn straight, yo. it was so incredible, i can't even begin to tell you.

  M; I put the M in mosh

  
  

  Man, do I feel old. That was 7 freaking years ago.
  And.. I still stand by rotting bracelets.

  
  Here's to you, 17-year-old Emily, because I know you would have loved to know that you got to see NFG again.. even if you really can't see what the big deal is now.

the weight of silence.

  The Weight of Silence by Heather Gudenkauf

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book is amazing. While it took me close to a month to get through it (as I could only read during my lunch break at work), it's a very quick read.

Gudenkauf's style is genius and completely entralling. I will admit that I got through a good chunk of the book pretty skeptical, as you feel like you already have all the answers and there's no mystery left. You know where the "lost" girls are and how it happened. Or you think you do. I love books where I get bitch-slapped by the author in the end for assuming they didn't think I was smart enough and everything finally falls into place. I had to go back and reread the first chapter when I realized how wrong I was about a seemingly very small fact at the beginning of the book that completely through me off.

I read one review where the reader felt like there was no depth the characters and I absolutely beg to differ. That reader could not have been in the same book I was.

My favorite part is close to the end when Ben figures out how to get the facts. I will openly admit that during that part and several others, I almost cried. It takes a lot for a book to either make me cry, or laugh out loud. (There was no laughing during this book, though.) I should not have been reading it at my desk..

Well done, Gudenkauf. Well done.

View all my reviews >>

summer based on unemployment.

Oh my God, I need this storm to hit. I hear it's on its way from New York. I love the heat, I don't even mind humidity. However, Boston's hit 101º twice this week and it seems like I just can't get away from it. I need a break so I can sleep without a frozen washcloth and 2 fans going.

Anyway, I didn't expect (or care to think it was possible) that my summer would be spent unemployed, but somehow, my plans reflected that the possibility was there. The goals I'd set for the summer are far more difficult with a 40 hr/wk job, but I canNOT complain. I've accomplished my biggest goal, not just of the summer, but for 2 years.

However, all I have to do now is rearrange some things and scheduling. I only have the weekends now to get stuff done. I can do some things in the evenings but I only have until 10p, as I wake up for work at 6:30a. I think I'll actually have to write myself of schedule of when I can do all the things I want to do.

My next big goal is to find me a roommate. My current roommate is moving out next weekend and I'll need someone in here for August 1. If you know anyone looking to move to the Waltham/Newton/Watertown area, let me know. I'm hoping to have someone locked in no later than the 20th. At this time, I have 5 people coming to see the place between now and Monday. Wish me luck.

Oh, and the date is set for the Big Cut of 2o1o. I made it 2 years (and 2 months) this time. I was going to set it for the 24th, but the girl I want to see isn't available so I'm going on the 17th. It's probably better. I am so done with the crap I have to do every single day that I'm not even sure I'll make it to the 17th without going insane.

I couldn't work out the scheduling with the place I've been going for 15 years. My regular girl is on maternity leave until October and the other two I'd let near my head are only available on the weekdays. So I'm trying out this place. Wish me luck..

stephanie meyer pays my bills.

I have been dying to share this with the world, but I wanted it to be official before I went on telling the story to everyone. Yesterday, I received proof that the shirt was in fact received by my buyer (in Australia) and this money is totes mine. (Okay, the money is totes my mechanic's and my landlord's.. but it's money I wouldn't be able to give them otherwise!)

For those who don't know, the picture to the left is from the unbelievably crazed-teenager spawning movie, Twilight. I got into it and when I watched the movie, realized I own the shirt in this picture over here. That's Bella. Girls all over the world want to be her. Apparently, it's awesome to always look miserable.. that's kind of "in" right now.

Anyway, it's important to know that this shirt was bought for me (yeah, my mom totally buys me clothes still) 4 years ago on clearance at Bob's for $5. This was before the books came out.

Long story short, here's a screen shot of my shirt up on eBay on the last day of bidding:

[If you're honestly amazed that people are this psychotic about Twilight, click on it.. it gets worse.]

Fuck. Yes.

And then I sold a free book for $50. I love eBay. The end.

so fresh and so clean, clean.

That.. would be my bedroom, ladies and gentlemen, a little more than 24 hrs ago. I so cannot believe I'm actually posting this online. I wouldn't even let anyone in it. I feel like I should have a list of things you need to find, like in Highlights for Kids. (It's ALWAYS in the tree, by the way.)

It was bad. The mess even continued onto half my queen-size bed. I just hadn't had time.

However, I start a new job tomorrow (holla!) and I just could not come from an 11 hr (including commute) day to this shit hole. I need a place to unwind.

My whole life, cleaning my room has been a challenge. It's overwhelming. I mean, when your room looks this bad, where the f do you start?? There is so much that needs to be done and so much space that needs to be covered. When I was younger, I would sit down and cry. As I got older, I would just give up and hit up AOL for distraction. I couldn't get through it.

Post-It notes cleaned my room. Seriously. It only took me 24 years, but I found my solution. I need things broken down into pieces and this was the most brilliant way I could ever think of.

I grabbed a package and broke it down into 20 steps: 1) Dump everything from bed onto floor. 2) Throw out trash from that pile.. etc. I had a clear-cut order that things needed to be done and if I didn't know what to do next, I ripped off the next one. It was so simple. It also helped me keep focus for way longer than I usually can. (Concerta probably didn't hurt, either.)

That's all 20. I stuck them to my wall as I finished.

The awesome thing is that it could work for anything. Cleaning the house, working on a project or a school paper, setting up an event. It's so elementary that it almost seems childish, but it works.

Oh, and here's the after shot.. (Enter: fan. It was approximately 90º in my house last night because I had been moving so much and I can't open half my windows. It was time.) Couldn't even see the green rug before.

Bring on new job!

a father's day tribute.

This is my dad and I on our last birthday (my 23rd, his 55th). We have the same birthday and after almost 24, the awesomeness has still not gotten old for me.

My dad has been a lot of things in his life: a father (obviously, or you wouldn't have this blog to read.. lucky you), a brother, a husband, a manager, a basketball player, a softball player, a clarinet player, a devout red sox fan, a purebred bostonian, a computer nerd, a "bagel man," a soccer coach, a baseball coach, a softball coach, a temple volunteer, a shoe salesman, a grade A angel hair pasta cook, a great children's story author (though these stories cannot be found in writing), a heart attack survivor, an entrepreneur, a Santa Claus, a lover, a fighter.. a joker, a smoker, and a midnight toker. ..Anyway..

Whichever one of the above he was at any given time, he always strived to be the best and encouraged my brother and I to do the same. Like a dad should.

In the past 3 years, I have certainly learned not to take these things for granted. Dad, I always appreciated everything you tried to do to help me. Right down to teaching me everything I know about baseball and the soap opera that is The Boston Red Sox, especially during the times when we had very little else in common. You were always there.

I love you, Dad. Happy Father's Day.

http://www.scleroderma.org/

http://www.transplants.org/

stfu: not what you think.

STFU, it's not what you think. This one stands for Summer Training Friday Update. At first I had SFU, but how could I not throw a T in there? Training works. I'm training to be a better member of society. Count it.

Anyway, I need to track my goals and hold myself accountable for them. I read once in a runner's blog that it helps to blog goals like this because when you know other people are aware of what you're working towards, you're less likely to let down an entire group. I am forcing myself to keep my (three or so) readers content with positive updates. So, here you have it for today:

Ran: my whole W2 for C25K. It started well, did not end so well. My IT band is not in fantastic shape, and while my PT says it feels a little looser, I beg to differ. I've also started ankle strengthening, which should help. Oh, and when a physical therapist looks at your chart and goes, "WOW, you have a lot of exercises on here!" it's not usually a good thing.. I'm going to repeat W2 and we'll see how it goes.

Wrote: a synopsis. The goal is 500 words whenever I write, but I'd say that's a start. I decided to give my own life a break and try something fiction. I liked where I was going with last year's NaNoWriMo project, so I thought I'd see if I could bring it back to life.

Spoke: a good hour's worth of Hebrew. I've had "כותב" stuck in my head. It just means "writes," which is awkward to have hanging in your head all day.

Found: my iPod and my favorite shoes.. huge relief. Next goal: my carpet. I know it's in here somewhere..

Misc: I got a new job. I start on Tuesday. That was my biggest goal of the summer, so YAY(enter: tons of exclamation points). Also, my deposit has been sent into school. Next steps include getting my immunization records from my doctor and setting up placement testing. Getting closerrrrrrrr...

parking FAIL.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaatadouche.

Oh, and the reason this is so crappy is because it's taken through my foggy office window. Some of my neighbors are legit crazy and I didn't want to be seen photographing someone's car outside. I think you can still get a pretty good feel for an ass this person is though.

It wasn't even like, temporary parking. This car was there for at least an hour after I got home. Who knows when it got there in the first place. He doesn't even live here and it's private, tenant-only parking. So wanted to have him towed.

Just thought I'd share.

the adult chore chart.

You remember these. We all had one, at least in the classrooms of our youth, if not on our own fridges at home. They were intended to motivate. Chore charts are the next step up in visual encouragement after getting the dog-pitched "Yaaaaaaaaaaaygoodgirl!" and clapping whenever we do something good. When Mom realizes we're too old to do what it takes for an overzealous clap, suddenly it's discovered that stickers do the trick.

Despite the fact that these colorful, gold star-coated grids are assumed to only belong to children, that doesn't mean they stop working. I suppose at some point all kids find their own way of organizing and setting reminders. They think they grow out of these charts, but they really just become less animated. Newsflash: a planner is a grown-up chore chart. There are just different lines on the pages, different colors, less stickers - unless you're my mom - and different blocks of time.

Keeping the above in mind, what if we went back and realized there are actually some valuable advantages to the ol' block-y grid? The main point of it was to list not the things that you need to get done once, but the things that need to become habit. Clean my room, clean the litter box, don't pick on my sister, take my Ritalin.. Well Steph and I are working on forming new habits (and still trying to nail that last one down, to be honest). We thought we'd start the simplest way we know how.

We made jokes about the chore chart, but I have to admit there is certainly something really motivating about it. I mean, it's very plain and simple; a black and white Excel grid with two weeks worth of days lining the top and the things we'd like to do more often down the left side. (After making that icon, however, I'm considering at least writing "I CAN DO IT!" across the top just for good measure.) However, when I really don't feel like doing something, it makes it seem so much less overwhelming when I just see a little box I could check off next to it. It's so simple. The goal is to mark as many things as I can, and in 10/20/30 min, it's one more. I tend to also start thinking, "If half an hour goes by and I didn't do this one thing, I'm going to feel like I wasted time. If I just do it - even if I'm not in the mood - there's no way I can't feel positive about it 30 minutes from now when it's over with." I'm starting to get good at pushing myself into things. That muscle needs a lot of strengthening before school starts.

Make fun, but if you're having trouble getting in a new habit or routine, I'm actually finding this to be a pretty helpful tool. It only takes a minute to draw up a few boxes. Give it a shot.

The best part is, no, these charts didn't work as well for me when I was actually a child.

the short second life of bree tanner.

The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella by Stephenie Meyer


My rating: 2 of 5 stars
Alright, as a Twilight fan (yes, I will shamelessly label myself as such), I think this added some interesting depth to the third book. I am one of those people who likes all the answers and all loose ends tied up, so having some background on these creatures thrown into Eclipse gives a nice dimension to the war with the newborns.

That being said, it was.. "cute." I honestly felt like I was reading fan-fiction for a good portion of the book. I said I like answers, but I'm a big girl; I don't need to be spoon-fed details like, "Once again, I knew there was something I was missing in his expression," until BAM, "I figured out what it was I was missing in his expression." You're a novelist, Meyer, build like one.

It was worth it, and nothing that - writing wise - I wasn't expecting after having plowed through the whole series. For what it was and the three hours it took to read it, I liked it. It'll also be an interesting idea to keep in mind when seeing Eclipse in a few weeks.

If you're a Twilight fan, it's not really something you have the option of not reading.

View all my reviews >>

big plans.

This summer. Oh, this summer.

Let's see.. the deal is that I'm starting school in the fall. (That's right.. I actually have a piece of paper that says, "Hey, you're in our program.. so we expect to see you in September." You know, mas o menos.) I also just quit my job, as some of you may or may not know. That's right. "Ack-more" is done like dinnah. And, no worries, I went out with style. Note to retail: rapping the closing announcements goes over well. One customer clapped in the middle of asking one of my co-workers a question. Awesome.

Anyway, there's totes a point to this. The point being it's time to whip my tush into gear. I've come to see goal completion as a sort of school prep. I'm going to need to be able to push myself if I really want to succeed at school. Therefore, I'm going to practice pushing myself with things I actually want to get done now. When I want to put something off, it's, "No.. do you want to succeed in school? Go $*%&ing do it." And it's been working.

Of course, in doing so, I've come to realize I make chunky goals for myself. This makes them harder to accomplish when they spin me into the downward spiral of, "This is too big I have to get started now but I have other goals and they're too big so if I start this one I won't be able to do the other one and which one's more important if I don't do either I won't have to choose I'll figure it out later.." You can imagine that the success with that thought process is about as big as that sentence is without punctuation. SO, I'm breaking them down. Instead of planning on the ultimate goals (i.e. a 5k, a book, a language..), I have broken them down into easier-to-chew pieces:

• Run 1 mile.
• Write 1,000 words.
• Complete Units 1 & 2 of RS.
• Get an hourly wage job.
• Find a roommate (Aug 1).

I think the most important thing I've learned in this is that.. you can always make new goals. They don't have to be in writing all at once. If I finish 1,000 words in one day, big deal. I'll tack on another thousand more. But if I plan to write 50,000, I'll get overwhelmed and write.. nothing.

Oh, and I'd like one of those wishing airplanes..

ch-ch-changes.

It has been a week of lessons.

• There is never any excuse to put up with emotional abuse • A leap of faith is always scary; that shouldn't be the barrier • It's not your place to feel guilty for accepting help if it's offered • Misery loves company, and will sometimes pay for it • "Interview for many open positions" sometimes means "Info session that doesn't apply to you" • Just because you don't get asked for a co-pay, doesn't mean you won't get hit with a bill for it later • My mom will always have the latest technology before me • If I can't find my cat, he's probably right next to me wondering what we're looking for • Poptarts can land you in the ER with 2nd degree burns •

Didn't see that last one comin', did you? Neither did we..

So, my life is changing (thanks to my support system). Like, seriously, legit changing for the first time in over a year and a half. As always, there are an endless number of obstacles (would life be fun without them?) and I don't have an overall escape route. I guess we're not supposed to. A wise philosopher of life* once told me, "No use crying over spilled bridges." So.. there's that. (*Not really a philosopher of life.)

Over the last couple days, I've come to realize while I'm working a little harder to save money, cutting back does not mean killing my social life. B and I wanted to spend a day doing something fun for free, so we went and played frisbee and went for a little mini-hike in Waltham. I went out with some friends last night, but ate dinner at home as to not spend money on food. So now, I have a new challenge that's actually kind of fun: staying active while spending the absolute bare minimum. It's not meant to be punishment or torture, but there are actually a lot of ways to get out and hang out for little to nothing.

For starters:

• Cut out fast food. A serious problem I have, as it's the closest, "cheapest" food to my job. This also translates into, "More regular Stop&Shop trips."
• Walk/bike more. Also see: get a job closer to home. Also see: fix my bike.. I've got to cut back on gas. I live in the middle of everything. There are quite a few things I can pick up that I don't need to get in my car for, especially now that it's nice out. I'm just a little lazy.
  
• Shop.. *there*. The lines alone are what I picture Hell to be like, but let's face it.. there is nowhere else in the world I can pick up a 20lb box of litter and 16lb bag of Purina Indoor Formula for a grand total of under $20. I also once bought a 24pk of "the good TP" (you know, quilted pockets and all) for $8. ISYN. (Oh, that's short for "I Shit You Not." Learn it, it'll catch on.)
• Hang at home. I mean, with people. Don't isolate for the sake of saving. But a 6 pack is about the same as 1 beer at some bars and a good game of Quelf can outdo Trivia Night any day of the week.

That's all I got. I'm exhausted. I've rambled for a while now. And, in case you're wondering, the random crap up top are me tooling around with my "new" Bamboo. It's only slightly irrelevant and a product of me opening Illustrator at 1am. My bad.

oh, can we?

I feel like this song was written with Facebook statuses in mind. "How can we subliminally get as many people as possible to have the same status?" You win, guys. Because, let's be honest, who couldn't use a fucking wish right now? How many people have listened to this song and been like, "OMG, this is so my life. I really COULD use a wish right now." Everyone. With the exception of those who listen to it and go, "Ugh, I hate this song." Those people probably don't care for it, but I assume you swing one way or the other.

Don't get me wrong. I actually like this song and I may or may not have a little bit of a girl crush on Hayley Williams. I'm not ashamed, so get over it. Nonetheless, it's kind of like horoscopes when people think they're "dead on," but (surprise!) they're just vague enough that it manages to apply to everyone's life. Also known as: lacking originality.

are you there vodka? it's me, chelsea.

Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler


My rating: 3 of 5 stars
It took me a few chapters to get into this one, specifically the chapter where she gets a DUI and it occurs to me that Chelsea Handler is a real person. (I'd never heard of her before, as I don't often watch E!) Don't get me wrong, it was fairly good to start, but way more interesting finding these were all real things that happened. It's a ridiculous collection of stories from her life and I can certainly see why she wrote a book about them. Most of the time, I was fairly entertained. At some points, I was more focused on thinking, "This woman has a very twisted view on life.." There were a few chapters that I legitimately laughed out loud while reading, especially Mini-Me. That was my favorite.All in all, it was a fun read. I'll probably pick up her first book as well. If you have some downtime and want to pick up a book, I would certainly recommend this one.

View all my reviews >>

snuff.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk


My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This was pretty good. A fascinating look into the life of porn addicts and the industry. I wish I knew how much of it was actually "true fact," as Sheila loves to say. I can't tell if it's honestly true, or if she's trying to back up myths. I love how it's written by the perspectives of 3 different people and the way the stories fold into each other.

Palahniuk does a fine job of building up to the twists. They don't come completely out of the blue, but they're certainly not predictable.

It's a quick read. Worth picking up if you're a Palahniuk fan.

View all my reviews >>

the almost moon.

The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold


My rating: 4 of 5 stars
I feel like that teacher that doesn't believe in A's. This book was very, very good, but I just can't bring myself to give it 5 stars.While Alice Sebold didn't quite grab me in the same way The Lovely Bones did, she still manages to astound me with her style. To stretch the events of a 48-hour period over 300 pages, meanwhile giving you a complete look at a person's entire personal life is amazing. The imagery she is able to instill is incredibly intense. This is the kind of story that sticks with you between reading sessions and tends to linger while you're trying to go about your work day. That's a book that wins me over - one that makes me feel emotionally apart of the story.This book is a heavy read, for sure. It's a fairly quick read, but if you're looking for something light and cheery, Alice Sebold is not the way to go.

View all my reviews >>

i'd have my hands full.

Take a look at this picture. Now imagine this is what my child looks like. I had a dream a few weeks ago that my child was a shape-shifter, but was only capable of turning into Animal. Yeah, for reals.

I'll leave you with that.

dreams of incompetency.

Luckily, dreams can be woken up from. And thank God.

I had a dream last night that I was at work (which was apparently me and a co-worker sitting on a couch and playing with model magic). I was stuck - as she wouldn't let me leave - for an extra two hours until my GM came in and was pissed I had stayed an extra two hours out of my scheduled time. At this point, it was 11:30pm in my dream, a weird time to still be stuck at work.
When I got home from work, where I lived with my parents, my mom had a collection of mail for me. Apparently, the school that I should be automatically accepted to had sent out forms to different places to learn about me. I was afraid my mom had seen my failing grades, even though I hadn't even started school yet. As it turns out, the school decided to reject me because my job sent them a review of my performance at work and ripped me apart as an employee. Therefore, I was not allowed to go to community college. What the fuck.

Anyway, at 4:30am this morning, I was up and ready to head to Lexington for the reenactment of the Revolutionary War, the reason for Patriots' Day, of course. In a million years, I never would have thought I would enjoy anything history related, let alone get up at 4:30am for it. It was pretty cool, not gonna lie. And for the first time in my life (including 12 years of American history), I finally understood what had happened during that war.
Of course, waking up at 4:30 makes a 7.5 hour work shift way more difficult. I am now on hour 15 of being awake, and I'm fading pretty quickly. I still have to stay up at least another 3 hours in order for me to not royally screw up my sleep. I am nodding off on the couch in my living room while eating carbs and drinking juice to try to keep myself awake. Not easy.

soda pop & ritalin.

Yesterday, I told my mom I was freaked out about going back to school. I told her I was afraid to find out that I’m incapable of learning, based on the fact that I have a difficult time retaining information and my memory blows. Is this a result of ADD? Is it possible that my obsessive thinking has taken up so much room in my brain that there’s no room to retain information that actually matters? I’m not really sure. I’m willing to try whatever, but that could take some time.

I need to know that my brain is not incapable of learning. I refuse to believe that. There must be things I can do to improve my brain function, my memory. Still, it freaks me out. I have never been a school person, but I hate to think about what my life would be like if I don’t extend my education. It would be.. what it is now: an explanation that I realize is so offensive, I shouldn’t even post it on a public internet source or it could actually cost me work. [Posting an explanation of] my current life.. could cost me a job. Think that one though.

I need to succeed.

night.

Night by Elie Wiesel


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
It's hard to say you "like" a book like this one, but it is absolutely fascinating and just.. raw. The man is beyond proof that human strength prevails and, though he obviously lived (the book wouldn't exist..), part of me kept thinking, "This is it. This will be what kills him, for sure," the whole book.

Having been raised Jewish, stories of the Holocaust have been in my knowledge from as early as 5-years-old. I've heard all about it over and over in ways children shouldn't even hear about such a thing, but to hear the story from the inside brings all new meaning to everything I thought I ever knew about it. It was almost too personal, that though I knew the basic facts and everything that was coming, it was still difficult to continue at points.

Along with it being very well written, I was surprised at the detail he was able to recall. The half star I left off was only because I wished it hadn't ended so abruptly. I suppose I'll have to read Dawn, which I can only assume is the follow-up.

View all my reviews >>

wa: day 5

today was seattle day.

my aunt and i left the house at 9:30am and headed out to catch the 10:30 ferry to seattle. derek's right.. ferries are awesome. it's a half hour trip on a boat with a full cafeteria, bathrooms, tables.. best way to commute. i just stood on the front like the awe-struck tourist that i am snapping away for the majority. mt rainier and mt baker on either side of the puget sound, with all of the seattle skyline straight ahead. gorgeous.

in the city, if it was a tourist attraction, i was there. we stopped in a few gift shops on the road right off the ferry and i picked up a few little things. we headed to the pike place market which i found easiest to describe as a craft show that.. never closes. it was amazing. full market with fresh fish, fresh produce, the most amazing colors i've ever seen. SO much fish. the whole market in general: a vegan's worst nightmare.

we walked around for a bit to get the full effect before heading to a bakery across the street for lunch. it happened to be next to the very [second] starbucks. (as it turns out, the very first burned down a long time ago.) needless to say, this bakery had one of the best cups of coffee i've ever had. no, i didn't have starbucks in seattle, though there was one on nearly every block.

next, we headed up to the monorail to shoot down to the space needle. monorail = cooler than the t; sorry, boston. the space needle is pretty self-explanatory. observation deck, entire city, all sports fields, puget sound, everything in between. obviously, an amazing view. oh, and i accidentally found "seattle grace." that was kind of exciting. the outside of the hospital is actually their nbc news studio building (k5). surprise.

after that, a few more touristy places - it was gorgeous and an amazing day to spend walking around the city - and then spent some time in the emp. without the pictures, it's harder to go into. it was a cool music museum, though. if you click the link, you'll see it's also a sci-fi museum; we didn't go into that part.

for dinner, we went to cheesecake factory. my aunt had never been before.

we were back on the ferry by 8:20 and headed back. as you may or may not be able to tell from my broken-up, somewhat monotone entry, i'm way beyond wiped. the pictures will say more than i can, but unfortunately, i don't believe my mac will be usable for the rest of the trip. i'm gonna go read and pass the f--- out.

wa: day 4

Today was the day that my aunt took me on a full tour around the Olympic Peninsula. It was also the day I found a great appreciation for her introducing me to Twilight because, let's be honest, I wouldn't have "gotten" a lot of the trip if she hadn't. Driving around that area of the country - if you haven't gotten into the books - is like feeling left out of a 400 mile inside joke.

To put my location in perspective "A" marks the Olympic Peninsula, the furthest, most Northwest location in the Continental US. I was all up on that.

There is basically one highway that runs its way around the peninsula, which we followed from about 9am - 8pm that day. That's right. We packed up snacks, some music, our cameras, and (after I popped a Dramamine) we were on the road to explore.

Those who know me know I am not typically a road trip type of person. However, I've come to discover that it may not be the driving that bothers me, but the view I have to see. Any "road tripping" I've done has been down the east coast. Highway is not the most thrilling thing to look at.

This was different. This was green and mountains and water.. and more of those 3. It was just wilderness and it was quite literally breathtaking. The site of snow-capped mountains never gets old, not after a week and not after 19 years (says my aunt).

Here is our trip in a little more detail:

A: Port Ludlow

The starting point. From here, we hit 101 (aka, the Olympic Hwy) and followed around.

B: Port Angeles

Sort of the only real "city" (from what I gather) in this area. (Not exactly the Boston-type of city, or even Seattle, for that matter.)

C: Crescent Lake

We pulled over here for a bit to take pictures. It was the most amazing site on the side of a cliff where the forest just.. stopped. You could see the water draining out from little holes in the ground on the side. All you could see behind the lake was mountains. Everywhere you turned. I've never seen anything like it.

D: Forks

This tiny, little, empty town. One main road, a few buildings, ridiculously priced gas (probably due to the tourists the name alone brings in) and a gift shop devoted to mythical creatures and the girls that devote themselves to them. I would bet my savings that no one in this town ever expected their high school to become a tourist attraction. Surprise!

E: La Push (the Quileute/Quilayute Reservation)

The beach where I was bounded after by a large seal chillin' on the shore. Frisky little guy. Yes, this location is also very famous, now. I can't help but wonder how the Quileute tribe feels about being on display as a tourist attraction. However, right on the line of the reservation, you will find a sign that says, "Treaty Line: No Vampires Beyond This Point." Something tells me they might not have a big problem with it.

F: The Hoh Rain Forest

The only rain forest in the United States. Strangely enough, considering the weather patterns of the area, this was the only point in our entire day that we saw any rain. And, in all fairness, it was rather expected here. For the record, I have never found moss as beautiful as I have walking through this forest. It covered everything.

G: Ruby Beach

Come on.. how could we not? I think the coolest thing about this beach is that it's where the Hoh River (which we had been more or less following throughout the day) dumps into the pacific ocean. As in, the river runs through the beach itself and you actually see where they meet. It was pretty cool. Unfortunately, my sneakers were not down with this. It was a wet drive home.

I would say my "tour guide" was fairly thorough. It was just a gorgeous drive with scenery you just don't get to experience in my neck of the woods. There were a few other places we would have liked to go, but they are more day trips and better for the summer. Damn straight, I'm going back.

wa: day 3

view from the living room

today wasn't much different from yesterday. a lot more reading (i'm honestly starting to get into it, now) and a little more knitting, way more relaxing.

i did go out for a bit, once the morning rain cleared. as most of the world knows, it rains here. a lot. but it's been pretty clear during the afternoon. my aunt has a spare car - a beastly little accord - that i was offered to borrow. i took her down to the grocery store to pick up some ice cream and get out for a bit, among other things. i wanted to see some people, too. of course, much to my disappointment, there seems to be no accent associated specifically with this part of the country. as it turns out, most people around here come from.. somewhere else.

tonight, i hit up a Pampered Chef party with my aunt that one of her co-workers was hosting. that was actually pretty fun. i love cooking stuff, i love free food, and i love meeting people. it turned out pretty good. oh, and there was a really adorable cat. that always improves.. everything. don't judge, but yes, i bought something. cheap. a scraper, because the ones i have are melted and some cheap crap that i bought for something like $0.99 for a pack of 3. worth it.

not much else to report for the day. however, i am exhausted and need to be up "early" (by 11am EST) to head out for our day trip. ..also, i'd like to do a little more reading..

wa: day 2

The hat I made for baby Elissa

today was my first full day in washington. i woke up at 7:45/10:45a to my gramma checking in, which was fine because that was about as late as i should sleep. i haven't yet decided if i want to keep myself on EST or not. i'm pretty sure i do because a) it keeps me on a great, "normal people" schedule here on the west coast, and b) will make going back to work much less painful if i can manage to continue waking up around 9am EST. either way, i constantly have both times as i haven't changed my watch and my phone automatically adjusts itself.

on top of the time change, we "spring forward" this weekend. my timing rocks. i'm far from pumped. yay spring; boo loosing an hour.

my day was amazing. i didn't go anywhere. it was 40º out and i decided to spend my first official day of vacation doing the things i can't do at home because i feel like i have too much else to focus on. well, nothing to focus on here! no chores, no phone calls, no errands. just knitting (my first completed project to the right, along with my second in progress) and reading. i never read at home. however, prepare to judge me for what i'm reading.

ok, the book starts:

"In the Olympic Peninsula [where i'm staying] of northwest Washington State, a small town of Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds."

twilight is practically a tourist attraction, since i'm here. why not. it's alright, honestly. obviously written for a younger audience, not that i can hold my own age against the author. i didn't think i'd have any interest in anything concerning vampires, but the story is nice. if anything, it's kind of choppy and i would say things move a little too quickly. meyer doesn't seem to take enough time to really develop edward and bella's relationship.

whatever, i'm here relaxing for a week and it's a surprisingly fast 500 page read. whether or not i pick up new moon afterward is a different story. (haa.)

based on the weather, we've decided we'll be spending saturday driving around the peninsula, making stops along the way at a few nature reserves (lakes, waterfalls, photography stuff), the only rain forest in america (AWESOME), and possibly drive down to the beach on la push. probably about an 8 hour day trip. sunday will be the full seattle experience. monday, it's supposed to be almost 60º, so that'll probably be my port ludlow exploration day. assuming my (big) camera makes it that far, i'd like to spend more time down at the marina. we'll see.

so far, this was a pretty good move :)

wa: day 1

totem pole @ the marina in port ludlow, wa

4am woke up

4:07 woke up..

4:14 woke up...

4:40 left for logan

6am lift off, BOS to CHI

8:40 landed in chicago (est)

9:40 lift off, CHI to SEA

1:30p landed in seatac (est)

12:40a ..still up..blogging.. (est)

i have been awake for 20.5 hrs. i'm pretty freakin' exhausted.

as i never travel, the fact that i'm over on the west coast right now is really trippy for me. i've just been going on and on about this trip for so long, the fact that i am finally physically in washington is so surreal to me. it's a pretty sweet feeling, though i do wish i were able to travel more often so maybe it would be a more familiar to me.

i got in to seatac (as you can see, above) at 10:30 this morning, 45 min earlier than scheduled. (awesome.) my aunt (whom i am spending the week with) picked me up and we drove 2 hrs back to her place, which is a beautiful vacation-esque home on the water with a covered deck and - as rumor has it - seals and otters in the "back yard." tomorrow, my first full day in town, i fully intend to spend it knitting, reading, and lounging.. possibly on the deck depending on the weather. it will be the first time i've been able to do those things without the guilt of other chores and errands weighing me down. this is a real day off.

highlights: row to myself on the plane, no waiting at gates, i'm on the freaking west coast

dreams where i can fly.

i had the weirdest dream last night.

i had a dream i was going to visit my cousin in california, though she no longer lives there. i had a layover that was right over the cali border and a 6 hours drive (westward) to where she lived. (i'm not sure if takes 6 hours to get from one side of cali to the other driving only west...)

anyway, she met me there, and then i was all confused about whether i should fly the rest of the way there (even though i was already with her) or drive back with her. i hate long car rides, though. it was just really strange to already be with the person i'm visiting, and then get on a plane to meet her at her house.

i decided to get back on the plane for another 3 hour flight (wtf). when i got on the plane, i was suddenly on a flight out, again to california, but now it was to visit B. C and J were also on the plane, as we had apparently all planned to visit him together. of course, B was on the plane with us, which made no sense seeing as he was the one we were going to see. oh, and i had no pants on. of course. who would wear pants on an airplane?

clearly, my anxiety over my upcoming trip is working its way into my dream. typical.

i'm going to go start my packing list. i cannot believe i leave in 4 days.

shippin' [out of] boston.. whoa-oa-oa.

a week from today, it will be 3:41pm to me, as i will be on the west coast.

i can't believe i'm going to be in seattle, wa next week. i can't freaking wait. technically, i will be an hour and half outside, staying on the water of puget sound where my aunt lives. a few days will be spent in the city seeing all of the touristy stuff, like the space needle and whatnot. also, apparently there's a rain forest about 2 hours away on the olympic peninsula, the only rain forest in the united states. yeah, i'll be there. hopefully, i'll also get to see some friends of mine who live in the city and down in olympia. we'll see how that goes. mr. microsoft might be too busy for me..

of course, the main reason i'm going is to get out of the northeast for a bit. i need such a break from this place it's not even funny. it will be nice just sitting on the water, doing a little nature-walking, spending some quality time with my aunt (whom i see maybe every other year) and having time to knit. yes, i'm serious. especially on the plane.

the weather over there has been consistently 10-15º warmer than what we have over here. i'm down with that. i'm sick of the winter. i could use a little hope for the spring. when i get home, i'll be that much closer to a new england april.

* * * * *

hey, ask me questions. anonymously. i got this from some people on facebook. errbody's doin' it (and gettin' crunk, crunk.) ..just sayin'.

to just.. write.

hey, fellow writers & bloggers,

for those who don't follow LifeHacker, there's a new website they wrote about yesterday called 750words.com. it's a very simple idea where you literally just write 750 words a day (or less.. whatever). it's completely private so you can basically go off on whatever you want, but it'll keep your stats of how long you wrote for, what your wpm was, what your most frequently used words were, and so on. it'll even give it a rating based on content. (i love stats.)

i like it because i need a place to do that, to just write with no real topic or not even completely make sense. it keeps your brain working, ideas flowing, and it's good to keep your typing skills fresh (i typed 107wpm today.. awesome.) it's great if you're suffering from writer's block, too, as i often do.

just thought i'd throw it out there. i know a few people that read this that might appreciate a site like that, so enjoy :)

oh, and start following LifeHacker, too.

shouldn't be up.

It's 1:23am and I have to be up for work in 6 1/2 hours. No big.

I think it's sad that I've had this blog since 2oo7 and I'm pretty sure that Nov - Mar will be the longest gap you'll see in my archives.

I'm coming back here. There's a lot going on and a lot I'm trying to figure out that, believe it or not, has nothing to do with psychological disorders/research. I always work things out better in writing. I won't let this blog turn into something where my only reminders of its exsistence are the e-mails I get about receiving spam comments.. which is what's been happening. What a waste.

Does anyone still follow this blog? Still going to write, just curious of what kind of audience I'm talking at.