treading water.

was sent home from work due to a serious case of cracked-outness.  my 40-50 hour weeks have gone up to 50-60 hour weeks.  that's too many hours.  my body can't handle it, my brain can't handle it.. i love margaritas, i really do, but i'm finally starting to understand sue.

i need a vacation.  a paid vacation.

i can't get one of those yet.

i'll probably have better luck finding a better job.

i miss my friends.

  all of them.

your every-2-weeks update.

alright, so, i work like my financial life depends on it, which it does.  i will admit, i absolutely love my job, but the physical toll it's taking on me is becoming really difficult.  last night, i went to bed crying due to excruciating pain shooting through my forearm.  it was my "carrying" arm - if you will - so that's the best i can come up with to excuse that, but i can't figure out why the pain is completely gone this morning.  my knees are falling apart, which they were anyways.  i have a doctor appointment coming up and i'm going to try to get a referral for a knee doctor and a chiropractor.  i can't be falling apart so early in my life.  a more desk-oriented job would be fantastic for the week days.  i would love to be able to just work margs part time and not depend on it for the majority of my income.

ending the pity-party, my enrollment in school is official.  my loan has been approved, i have been enrolled, and i start the graphic design program at cdia on september.  i'm so excited and so anxious, i can't even tell you.  i have all these projects i want to do and all these ideas and i don't know what to do with them and how to get them into my computer.  it's driving me insane.  i can't learn it fast enough and i still have to wait another 26 days to even start.  rawr.  at least i know i have something besides margaritas to look forward to in the near future ;)

more things to look forward to: knitting/crocheting season.  that's right, folks, the hats are back in production.  this winter, they will actually be actively on sale.  i've already banged out 2 and i'm looking for the best way to start making money with them.  part of the profits will - as planned all along - be donated to NEDA.  i haven't decided how much, yet (hey, all things considered, this girl needs to pay for groceries) or even how much to charge.  in the past year, i've been selling them to friends (..and doctors) for $10.  depending on how much i want to donate, i may raise the price.  i think the first thing, above all, is to figure out how to sell them.  craft show season is approaching, so i may find some local ones and find out how much it costs to set up a table.  maybe go in on a table with a friend or two (anyone interested?).  it sounds like it's all a little stressful, but i'm really excited planning it all.

before i head out, i would like to make mention of the watson family, neighbors and friends of ours for over 9 years.  our families, unfortunately, have had a bit too much in common lately, as mr. watson became very sick semi-recently.  he died of cancer this past thursday at only 6o.  while i don't know what it's like to lose a parent, i certainly know what it's like to watch such a close family member go through such an illness.  honestly, i feel a little guilty, all things considered, but i know that's out of my control.  anyways, all my love to you guys.  i'll see you in a few days. <3

sweet, sweet home.

my new apartment.. is incredible. i'm actually obsessed with it. i can't believe how happy and at home i feel here. and, even more so, how happy gus seems to be. there's no doubt that the tension i was suffering through didn't even come close to what he felt. he seems much more relaxed here, which makes me even happier.

i still have some stuff to unpack and organize, although i've thrown a lot of useless, old crap away (files, bills, stuff from when i first moved into the old apt).  the space is fantastic.  i have room to live and i don't feel like there are any boundaries in my own home.

we've done a lot of furnishing and a lot of money has gone into the place, but not nearly as much as it could have been.  mom and i rock the deals & sales.  don't mess with us in the christmas tree shop.

the nightmare is not completely over.  in fact, it has gotten slightly worse in an unbelievable way.  just a little bit longer and a few more tasks at hand and it should be done.  with everything i've been through and witnessed, you would think i could at least comprehend such disfunction.. but i've never seen anything like this before.

work is going well.  money is starting to pick up and should only get better from here with all the bentley/brandeis kids coming back this month.  i work 40-50 hr weeks and i'm pretty happy with what i have to show for it.  yes, making ends meet is slightly difficult, but you do what you have to.  i'm happy and i'm free, and that's what's important.  i have a new contract position which may or may not pull through.  however, i'm getting paid while we figure out if it'll last, so i'm okay with that.  i have a new network contact - a photographer - who wants to see some more up-to-date work and start feeding me clients.  and, on top of all that, i got my loan the other day to go back to school.

i've decided to take the "don't think too much" approach about going back to cdia.  the "thinking too much" goes along the lines of, "what if i can never pay back my loan?  what if i decide i hate what i'm doing and want a complete career change?  what if i crash?  what if i can't get enough hours at work around my school schedule?  what if i can't do the one show i've been dying to do for 9 years and finally have the opportunity for it?"  what if, what if, what if........what if i could get a grip and realize that if i don't go back to school, i'll be taking contract jobs that i only kind of enjoy and making my base income out of tips for the rest of my life?  when your full time job is waitressing and you've graduated.. is there really a "better time" to go back?  if you answered "no," then we're on the same page.  congrats.