Sunday, November 30, 2008

can't shut off the mind.

i am back in the metro-west after spending the holiday in my hometown 45 minutes west. it was a lot more relaxed than i had expected, to be honest. i somehow thought that i would feel the kind of stress i feel when i spend a day doing nothing productive. however, i guess that's what the past couple days were for, so i was rather welcoming to that.

but now, it's back to work. you know, that job i work 7 days a week but doesn't pay shit? yeah, that's the one. soon, though. i will have a new job soon.
i think the hardest part about job searching is that i don't feel like i really deserve free time to myself when i'm at home. i feel like if i'm here and doing something other than making calls or working on my resume & cover letter, i'm being totally unproductive, which, makes it hard for me to manage my time in a way that allows for the things i do actually feel like doing, like design projects, knitting, writing.. there seems to be no appropriate time allotted for these right now. i can't wait until i have a full time, hourly-scheduled job where i will be able to come home and know that the only things i have to do are the things i want to do.

speaking of things i want to do, i thought of a really cool idea that combines crafts, income, and my need to contribute. i mean, yeah, there are the hats, but this is different. it would take a little money to start, but i think my chances of success would be much higher than with the hats (which are taunting me with their existance). they would be easier to make in quanity without getting boring, easier for people to customize, and a much smaller chance of wool allergies ;)
as for the hats, i think i'm going to round me up some models (anyone interested? the more the better), get some pictures of these suckers once and for all, and put them up on etsy - the seemingly top pick for all my crafting/craft-buying friends.

alright, it's 3:12a and i am far from tired. that ain't good. my sleep is really screwed up and i'm not really sure what the best idea would be to fix this. B would say to try to go to bed 15 min earlier every night, but 15 min is so easy for me to say, "ehh, just 15 more min" to, which pretty much destroys the purpose.
gus has been asleep for 2 hrs. i wish people had the same sleep patterns as cats sometimes. it's so easy.

ugh. wish me luck.

Friday, November 28, 2008

my list de thanks.

this year, i am the most thankful:
  • for the unconditional love and support i have received and continue to receive from my friends and family.
  • for the skills, lessons and tools i have acquired over the past year.
  • for my new found health and happiness.
  • for my absolutely beautiful apartment that i still can't believe i found.
  • for the roommates that saved my ass just in time.
  • for the people that have offer to help when i need it without a second thought.
  • for rediscovering passion.
  • that i am able to appreciate every aspect of my life even in circumstances that others would find it difficult to do so.
  • that i have learned to let go and move on. (still a slight problem, but it's gotten much better.)
  • for reconnecting to people in new ways.
  • my beautiful boy who is literally a constant reminder of my accomplishments..

it is an ever growing list, of course, but it is 3am.. so i'm going to head to bed.
fantastic thanksgiving. hope you all had the same :)
the fun continues tomorrow..

Saturday, November 22, 2008

gd project: part 2.

alright, here's another kiwi update.
i've been stuck on the same thing for a couple of hours now.. the fuzz, the glistening, the gut texture. dammit, kiwis. i really want to get this right, but wtf. people have done some pretty insane photo-realistic illustrations and i can't get a damn kiwi? c'mon, now.
i can think of some things i could do, but you can only do them in cs4, which i don't own yet.

oh, and the middle looks dirty.. not sure what to do with that, yet. that radial blur kind of helped, but kind of made it worse. my seeds are also a little spacey; i'll have to bring this in a bit more. i think i'm going to need to do a little photoshop work in there, but i can't yet.

anyways, here are the updates:

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

my 2nd big gd project: part 1.

for my Ai class, i have to create a photo-realistic illustration. i.e. illustrate something that, unless you know, should look like a photograph. i am nervous, but i think it's starting off well.

i have a thing for kiwis (they're like, totally my fave, omg) so i went with that. i think the fact that they're rather glisten-y is going to be difficult, but i think i can do it. we're also not supposed to use outside sources, so i'm going to have to make my own paintbrushes which, obviously, i've never done before.

anyways, here's what i have so far. i'll update it as it comes along :)


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

things i wish i could say to people.

but since, for 1 reason or another, i cannot.. i'll say them here in hopes of letting it get out of my head and i can let it be.

  1. you are unbelievable. you can play dumb all you want, but it's time to look someone in the face and be honest with them. i put in way more effort than i should have. i am so done.

  2. i've said everything i possibly could to you, and never felt like you heard any of it, and you expect me to still be here? it doesn't matter.. everything you've ever told me was a lie, anyways. this right here.. this is me letting go of you. finally.

  3. i wish *so* badly you could have gotten to know me. i'm not who you think i am, i promise.

  4. i couldn't get you out of my head for days. you either shouldn't have left, or you shouldn't have told me that you wish you hadn't.

  5. i hate the way you treat me sometimes, and how i keep going back. i don't take your crap personally, but i wish you would catch yourself like you say you wish others would.

  6. you're right. we wouldn't. the funniest part is, she couldn't even deny it.

  7. what happened to you?? do you hear yourself anymore? some of the things you couldn't stand about her.. you do them.

  8. you have led me to try to talk as little as possible around you. that way, i don't have to feel completely trivial when you interrupt me to say something that has nothing to do with anything i'm trying to tell you.. every single time i'm trying to have a conversation. this wouldn't suck so bad if you weren't so important to me.

  9. i can't help but feel like if i could just meet you, i could help. i wish so badly you would let me help.

oh man, i've been dying to get that shit out.
now.. to see if i can move on without saying it to their faces.

Monday, November 10, 2008

affairs made easy.

my roommate left the tv on and tyra came on. now, i am no talk show fan, but i get sucked in rather easily. it turned out to be a show on the 'ashley madison agency' website. i can't actually believe something like this exists. it's really disheartening, in fact.

the ashley madison agency's slogan is, "life is short. have an affair." it is a dating site for married men and women to look up their ideal match for cheating on their significant other. according to tyra, in 7 out of 10 relationships, someone is being cheated on. is this supposed to give people hope? does anyone not cheat anymore? i mean, there's a website specifically for this shit.

one woman says, "it ended my marriage, but it saved my life." she was miserable in her marriage. you could have ended your marriage first. you could have it all without cheating. if you're miserable, staying in a marriage and seeing someone else most likely isn't going to fix anything any faster. what a crock of shit.

i lose more and more hope. this is disgusting.

look ma!