feel it and move.

so sometimes you have to cry
and be a little immature
and just get it out.

and by about 8p last night,
i felt ok.
i was really scared... i'm not sure of what.
but by the time i calmed down,
i was actually kind of excited.
like my mom said,
there's really no such thing as a bad outcome.

it's going to be really hard sometimes,
but it's going to make me stronger,
and it's going to make us stronger.
and it's going to be ok.

last night was everyone's last night home.
i skipped out and i'm SO glad i did.
every muscle in my body felt sore or weak.
i haven't been sleeping enough this week
and i was running myself into the ground.
it seemed like a good night to take my own space.
plus, my mom and i hadn't really spent
much time together like we wanted.
i'll see everyone in a few weeks :)

i woke up sick at 4:30 in the morning.
not really sure why,
but the bag i grabbed had a hole in it...again.
so uh... that was lots of fun.
and then i got to fall back asleep to
dad coughing up a hardened lung.
he's doing it right now, too.
it's...pretty much torture to listen to,
but his nurse is here with him.

well... here's to moving on,
and starting a new chapter :)
there was a time when i don't think
i would've been able to handle this.
but i'm a fuckin' beast.

so bring it on ;)