A brief background.
For those who don't know me: I'm a hearing college student studying psychology in conjunction with Deaf culture and American Sign Language. I'm currently in ASL II. I've been fascinated by ASL since I was 10 when my Girl Scout troupe had to sign "Heal The World" by Michael Jackson. True story. I believe it was later that week that I stole my first library book (unintentionally, of course), a now-outdated ASL dictionary to start teaching myself the basics.
It was sometime around mid 2009 when I decided I would return to school to continue working on my college degree and knew that ASL had to be worked in there. Coincidentally, this was right around the time one of my best friends was pregnant with my niece that, unbeknownst to us, would end up hard of hearing due to birth complications. This, of course, only inspired me to throw myself into an already growing passion that much more.
My journey into Deaf studies.
That said, I began doing my own research before I even took my first ASL class. I watched hours (literally) of ASL music videos and picked up whatever I could, discovered sites like aslpro.com to study vocabulary and started poking around online communities for those that understood the language better than anyone: the Deaf community. I have even made a few friends that have been very kind and patient in helping me better understand the Deaf world and American Sign Language.
Now, it is impossible to study a new culture without having to really take a close look at your own in comparison. Between the Deaf and Hearing culture, there are two extremely basic and obvious differences: 1) how they each communicate with others and 2) how they each take in the world around them.
The first seems pretty obvious. After all, one of the defining points of a culture is the language. However, language is not all communication is. Yes, the Deaf community communicates using Sign Language, a fully functioning language like any other with its own grammar and syntax. ASL is "spoken" using hand signs and facial expressions and can tell stories like the spoken word couldn't dream of. Facial expressions are the tone of sign language; a person who signs without facial expressions is like listening to a person speaking completely monotone.
In case you were not aware of what being "deaf" means (which I'm finding a surprising number of people are not), it means that a person - for the most part - cannot hear. This means that rather than calling someone's name to get their attention, they will tap them on the shoulder. It means that they will look at you and make eye contact (I know, terrifying, right?) while you speak or sign to them so that they can, you know, see what you're saying.
Over the past year or so, I've become hyper-aware of my culture, of people around me, the way they communicate, the way I communicate, odd little quirks that are so common we don't even notice them, even the things I listen to every day and the things I wish I didn't have to hear.
Not being able to hear is not a disability or an impairment. It is simply a different way of living. If anything, I would argue that if you think being deaf must be an impairment, then hearing is equally as impairing.
I sat in my Monday afternoon literature class this past week. My professor was excitedly droning on (that's really the best way to describe his presentation) about something I could not recall if you paid me to. I learned the Worcester commuter line station was just off to the west somewhere outside of my classroom window while it blew it's horn for 10 minutes at the approximate volume of an emergency siren. In the hallway to my right, two students were chatting about the events of their weekend as if they were completely ignorant to the fact that this building was, in fact, only classrooms and, yes, they were all currently full of students trying to learn.
Now, granted, I have fairly severe ADD. For me specifically, this means that my brain cannot physically process more than one sound at a time. Therefore, I have no idea what was happening in class while everything else was layering on. But even without ADD, sound is always there, layering one on top of the next from all objects, all people, all directions and it is eventually distracting to even the most focused person.
Think about it: when you're on the phone and someone else tries to talk to you, do you lose track of one conversation? What about if someone's talking to you and your favorite song comes on the radio, or someone yells your name in the background, or a car drives by? Even if it's for a split second (assuming your level of focus is much stronger than mine), your attention is at least briefly drawn to the new sound.
We're always being distracted and I can guarantee that most of you don't even realize it's happening. It's part of being hearing. Oddly enough, because we can hear, we're even more subject to falling victim to visual distractions as well. We don't have to look at each other when we talk. As long as we're within earshot, we can look around, talk online, play a game, watch TV (some people, certainly not me), or do work while someone talks to us. You call it multi-tasking, I call it extremely annoying, but people do it regardless. Therefore, that much more of our attention is taken from the person trying to communicate with us when we're not looking at them and there are other background noises. You may say - and even truly think - that this person has your full attention and you're successfully tending to both tasks, but I can promise you information is being missed.
Communication.
I've heard several people - hearing and ASL fluent - say that Deaf people are some of the best listeners they've ever come across. Yes, we can hear, but we really suck at listening as a whole society. A lot of it has to do with distractions, as mentioned above. Our focus is only 90%... 70%... 30% on them while the rest is on 6 other things. However, communication is not just about language. I've heard it said that about 55% of communication is body language. (And people wonder why so many fights break out when they attempt serious conversations via text.) Deaf culture has this down to an art; it's practically worked right into their language.
Let's break this down:
Step 1) Eye contact.
When's the last time you looked someone in the eye when they talked to you, or vice versa? I mean for the whole conversation. No one got up to check something, or checked their phone mid-conversation, or continued staring at their computer screen while sharing dialogue. Let's be honest: it creeps hearing people out to be looked at straight in the eyes for too long. It makes us uncomfortable. We like to be distracted; it's less awkward. "If I look them in the eye too long, they're going to think I'm creepy or in love with them or something." And when someone looks at us too long, well that's just rude, right? Or something's probably wrong with us. Maybe there's something in my teeth or they could notice my left eye twitching because I haven't slept in 2 weeks because I feel like everyone's staring at me. We start to become extremely insecure because, why would someone look at us that closely?
Step 2) Facial expression.
Now, full disclosure, I was a theatre major once upon a time. Not just theatre, musical theatre. I am not afraid of showing emotion and tend to be pretty animated when I talk about just about anything. This, however, is not exactly considered "normal." This is something I definitely didn't notice until I actually started taking ASL classes. Facial expressions do not come naturally to people who are hearing. It became very clear in ASL 1 where the most common expression you see is the one that says, "I'm supposed to do what with my left hand?" not to be confused with the "is that a 'K' or a 'Q'?" expression.
The bottom line here is that hearing people who do not have an acting background tend to be afraid to show emotion. It's awkward and too personal. It forces us to let our guard down and we love to be guarded. Which brings us to...
Step 3) Personal bubbles.
Oh, personal bubbles. Some people make you so large, it's actually unfair how much space you take up in public areas. Stop being selfish. But seriously, you can't get close to hearing people. No, we can hear you from over there... so, you stay over there. We don't like to be talked too close to, have a face in our face, be touched, bumped into, and God forbid we need to actually tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention. What will happen? Are they going to whip around and smack me for tapping them on the shoulder? Will they freak out because they wouldn't expect a stranger to touch them? How awkward will this be for everyone? Guarded. Thick walls. We don't like to have to physically interact with others. I'm not saying those who are deaf thoroughly enjoy getting walked into by strangers, but it's perfectly acceptable to reach out and touch one on the shoulder or the arm.
In the same vein, they tend to have a better (more appropriate) sense for personal space because you cannot stand too close to someone when you're signing with them. The difference is, the distance between two signers is out of necessity, not fear.
Overall, I feel the Deaf community has a better sense of people and a much more effective - more intimate - way of communicating and connecting with others. In fact, the word "community" itself seems far more appropriate for a culture that is not afraid to show real feeling and to physically connect with others than a culture that has such strong feelings toward personal boundaries and keeping distance from one another.
I am grateful for my hearing as I am everything else I've had for my 25 years, as I am for what I haven't had in my 25 years, as those who consider themselves Deaf are for being d/Deaf. I am just truly amazed by how beautiful such a culture is and the things that they can appreciate that we, as a majority, cannot learn to. I'm amazed that such a group of people can be in any way considered "handicapped," "disabled" or "impaired" when it seems at times they have been blessed with a further appreciation for things that we truly take for granted. Especially when they may have a better grasp on human interaction than we have, in spite of us thinking it's the other way around just because we can talk out loud.
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