Monday, June 02, 2008

where i'm at..

i can't help but wonder if i've missed my last break - if from here on out, my life is just going to be a mess of event after event and when one thing calms down, another will be sure to take its place. which, i'm sure i'll be able to handle. i would have just really liked to have a break somewhere to be ready to organize everything.

i guess i can try to organize here.. hey, what else is a personal blog de word-purge for..

1.) since graduation, i have been working on freelance projects - one of which (as many of you know) is driving me out of my mind. it's a mess and we're trying to figure out what to do about it. i've worked to try to find more cost/time-efficient ways of working the job, but i feel like they're putting a lot of money into me going nowhere. my boss told me to take a break for now.. we'll see. until then, i'm going to try to find a way to work it. i feel like i'm missing something.

2) i really need to blog more. i have so much to blog about and i'm really slacking. (sorry, readers! not that many of my f.o readers read this one as well..) but it's stressing me out because it's piled up so much. i should really just sit down and bang out a bunch of entries and pre-date them - which blogger let's you do now - so they'll post more consistently.

3) money's tight, but somehow i'm surviving off what i've got. i don't know where this stock job's going to go, but i have a job fair coming up. i have business cards in the mail and a website built, i just need to really get on the actual gallery work. it's lookin pretty good, though, thanks to bill :) i also have a restaurant interview in a week so i can start bringing in some steadier money.
i thought working from home was going to be fantastic, but it's really a struggle to get myself motivated and working. it's not really my style. when things tie up with hunt, i think i'm going to avoid work like that again, at least until i have an actual office. working on my bed is really not the brightest idea, but there's nowhere else to go in my house.

4) my head has been.. full. i'm more than ready for what's going on, there's just a lot coming with it and it's weird for me - understandably so. there are just things i want to say that i can't tell whether or not they're relevant (yet). i'm wondering if relevance doesn't even matter and i should just spit it out before it fucks with my head any further. it's been years since i've dealt with something like this and, to be perfectly honest, i don't have a fucking clue what i'm doing right now. soo.. wish me luck. (i know.. one of those really classic-emily "wtf are you talking about" posts. believe me.. you all know exactly what i'm talking about.)

5) it appears that the possibility of moving out is.. not all that possible right now. it's difficult. i'm sure i'll find something in my rage, but it's frustrating and difficult. i'm trying not to get my hopes up right now, but.. c'mon. let's be honest.. i gotta get out of that apartment for like, a million reasons.

6) i have a lot of dr appts to make. i need to get my eyes rechecked and replace the glasses that apparently fell out of my bag on the train a few months ago. (yes, i'm prone to losing shit. get over it. i have.) but hey, insurance covers it. i just miss my glasses :(
i'm going to have a consultation for invisilign (woo!) because my wisdom teeth have fucked up my bottom row. yanno, coming in sideways and all..
which brings me to my next kick ass appts i need to make: 2 oral surgeries. i need my wisdom teeth out and i need to have jaw surgery. the good news is, i've waiting so long to do it that they no longer need to break and reconstruct my jaw like they told my mom they would need to do when i was little.. now, it'll hopefully just be arthroscopic. but still.. 2 oral surgeries. seriously..
and for the record, never listen to your friends about whether or not you should have gotten or should be getting your wisdom teeth out :P just go to the fucking dentist. i'm getting mine out at the perfect time, after having multiple people freak me out about having possibly waited too long.. why do i do that to myself?

whether or not you read all this, i don't really care. although, i'll admit, that's pretty impressive. i just needed to get this all out. honestly, i feel a little more relaxed about it all. i love my blog.
now, i'm going to go finish up my laundry, finish all my calls (huge for me..), and get the hell back to waltham. and keep myself busy and distracted.. i hate when i can't control where my head's at.

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