This is not meant to offend anyone, it's not personal toward anyone (or their child), and I should point out that I have an unbelievable amount of respect for people that have children. I just can't wrap my head around why or how you're able to do it.
Having babies is necessary to our race's survival; it's what we do and it's what makes us living organisms. Blah blah blah science blah blah. But you don't usually hear lionesses walking around going, "OMG I want cubs. I want so many cubs. They're so cute and cuddly and fluffy and GOSH I hope I have a girl cub." I don't actually speak Lion, so it's possible I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure it's just more of an instinctual, animalistic (if you will) desire to reproduce. Humans are... different.
What makes people baby-crazy? I can't help but wonder if that gene skipped me. The pink frilly stuff, the little toy trucks and dinosaurs, potty chairs, diaper bins. Yes, diaper bins are something I have friends get excited over. A bin that holds bundles of feces that you technically created through a third party processor. Am I missing something exciting about that?
It's seems like everyone I know has at least one child, some up to three already. Every day, my Facebook newsfeed is overflowing with, "Suzy spilled coffee on my laptop again! But how can I be mad at those adorable cheeks?" and "Johnny peed on me again. He's so much like his father sometimes." ...Okay, that second one was a slightly weirder adaptation, but both were inspired by real statuses, I swear. I see the crabby statuses posted during 4am feedings, I see the fever reports posted from the ER waiting room, and the statuses desperately looking for advice from a father suffering his 5th straight day of temper tantrums. And this doesn't even touch upon the horrific statuses regarding pregnancy in the first place.
Facebook has been one of my best birth control methods (though not doctor-recommended). I feel like I hear about every bodily function that comes out of these little guys and their parents always make it sound like they think it's adorable. But even before there was Facebook, I worked in retail and food service, both of which work just as well. The screaming, the running, the throwing... I'm surprised people even leave their homes after they have children. God bless my mom, I throw a few of my own in-store tantrums. Sorry, THREW. That was supposed to be past tense... (I really hate shopping.)
I can't tell you I never want to have children. I'm 26, in a semi-new relationship and am 3-4 semesters away from finishing my undergrad career. I've only recently learned how to feed myself (quite literally) let alone having to be responsible for another human life. Maybe it's just where I'm at in my life; I'd like to think I'll want kids eventually. However, thanks to the powers of Facebook, the concept eludes me.
Meanwhile, the "biological clock" is ticking and I feel like I'm pressed to make a decision. Once you hit the mid-twenties mark, it seems to be all you hear about. I feel like I'm putting on emotional baby weight. Do I need to warn any man hoping to be a dad that I might not be what they're looking for? Do I need to start worrying about birth defects that I become high risk for once I pass 34? What if I stand tall and proudly proclaim "I do not want kids and I never want kids!" and then on my 35th birthday have a sudden urge to raise 3 children? And the worst question in that dark cloud of child-related fears: what if I have a kid and regret it?
I'm not posting this looking for advice or consolation. Honestly, any mother that wants to tell me "You'll change your mind!" is going to have the equivalent effect as the mother that tries to tell her 12-year-old daughter "You don't know what love is yet," when she's crying hysterically after her first break-up. It's one of those things I just had to get out. Hope you enjoyed yourself.
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