soda pop & ritalin.

Yesterday, I told my mom I was freaked out about going back to school. I told her I was afraid to find out that I’m incapable of learning, based on the fact that I have a difficult time retaining information and my memory blows. Is this a result of ADD? Is it possible that my obsessive thinking has taken up so much room in my brain that there’s no room to retain information that actually matters? I’m not really sure. I’m willing to try whatever, but that could take some time.

I need to know that my brain is not incapable of learning. I refuse to believe that. There must be things I can do to improve my brain function, my memory. Still, it freaks me out. I have never been a school person, but I hate to think about what my life would be like if I don’t extend my education. It would be.. what it is now: an explanation that I realize is so offensive, I shouldn’t even post it on a public internet source or it could actually cost me work. [Posting an explanation of] my current life.. could cost me a job. Think that one though.

I need to succeed.

night.

Night by Elie Wiesel


My rating: 5 of 5 stars
It's hard to say you "like" a book like this one, but it is absolutely fascinating and just.. raw. The man is beyond proof that human strength prevails and, though he obviously lived (the book wouldn't exist..), part of me kept thinking, "This is it. This will be what kills him, for sure," the whole book.

Having been raised Jewish, stories of the Holocaust have been in my knowledge from as early as 5-years-old. I've heard all about it over and over in ways children shouldn't even hear about such a thing, but to hear the story from the inside brings all new meaning to everything I thought I ever knew about it. It was almost too personal, that though I knew the basic facts and everything that was coming, it was still difficult to continue at points.

Along with it being very well written, I was surprised at the detail he was able to recall. The half star I left off was only because I wished it hadn't ended so abruptly. I suppose I'll have to read Dawn, which I can only assume is the follow-up.

View all my reviews >>

wa: day 5

today was seattle day.

my aunt and i left the house at 9:30am and headed out to catch the 10:30 ferry to seattle. derek's right.. ferries are awesome. it's a half hour trip on a boat with a full cafeteria, bathrooms, tables.. best way to commute. i just stood on the front like the awe-struck tourist that i am snapping away for the majority. mt rainier and mt baker on either side of the puget sound, with all of the seattle skyline straight ahead. gorgeous.

in the city, if it was a tourist attraction, i was there. we stopped in a few gift shops on the road right off the ferry and i picked up a few little things. we headed to the pike place market which i found easiest to describe as a craft show that.. never closes. it was amazing. full market with fresh fish, fresh produce, the most amazing colors i've ever seen. SO much fish. the whole market in general: a vegan's worst nightmare.

we walked around for a bit to get the full effect before heading to a bakery across the street for lunch. it happened to be next to the very [second] starbucks. (as it turns out, the very first burned down a long time ago.) needless to say, this bakery had one of the best cups of coffee i've ever had. no, i didn't have starbucks in seattle, though there was one on nearly every block.

next, we headed up to the monorail to shoot down to the space needle. monorail = cooler than the t; sorry, boston. the space needle is pretty self-explanatory. observation deck, entire city, all sports fields, puget sound, everything in between. obviously, an amazing view. oh, and i accidentally found "seattle grace." that was kind of exciting. the outside of the hospital is actually their nbc news studio building (k5). surprise.

after that, a few more touristy places - it was gorgeous and an amazing day to spend walking around the city - and then spent some time in the emp. without the pictures, it's harder to go into. it was a cool music museum, though. if you click the link, you'll see it's also a sci-fi museum; we didn't go into that part.

for dinner, we went to cheesecake factory. my aunt had never been before.

we were back on the ferry by 8:20 and headed back. as you may or may not be able to tell from my broken-up, somewhat monotone entry, i'm way beyond wiped. the pictures will say more than i can, but unfortunately, i don't believe my mac will be usable for the rest of the trip. i'm gonna go read and pass the f--- out.

wa: day 4

Today was the day that my aunt took me on a full tour around the Olympic Peninsula. It was also the day I found a great appreciation for her introducing me to Twilight because, let's be honest, I wouldn't have "gotten" a lot of the trip if she hadn't. Driving around that area of the country - if you haven't gotten into the books - is like feeling left out of a 400 mile inside joke.

To put my location in perspective "A" marks the Olympic Peninsula, the furthest, most Northwest location in the Continental US. I was all up on that.

There is basically one highway that runs its way around the peninsula, which we followed from about 9am - 8pm that day. That's right. We packed up snacks, some music, our cameras, and (after I popped a Dramamine) we were on the road to explore.

Those who know me know I am not typically a road trip type of person. However, I've come to discover that it may not be the driving that bothers me, but the view I have to see. Any "road tripping" I've done has been down the east coast. Highway is not the most thrilling thing to look at.

This was different. This was green and mountains and water.. and more of those 3. It was just wilderness and it was quite literally breathtaking. The site of snow-capped mountains never gets old, not after a week and not after 19 years (says my aunt).

Here is our trip in a little more detail:

A: Port Ludlow

The starting point. From here, we hit 101 (aka, the Olympic Hwy) and followed around.

B: Port Angeles

Sort of the only real "city" (from what I gather) in this area. (Not exactly the Boston-type of city, or even Seattle, for that matter.)

C: Crescent Lake

We pulled over here for a bit to take pictures. It was the most amazing site on the side of a cliff where the forest just.. stopped. You could see the water draining out from little holes in the ground on the side. All you could see behind the lake was mountains. Everywhere you turned. I've never seen anything like it.

D: Forks

This tiny, little, empty town. One main road, a few buildings, ridiculously priced gas (probably due to the tourists the name alone brings in) and a gift shop devoted to mythical creatures and the girls that devote themselves to them. I would bet my savings that no one in this town ever expected their high school to become a tourist attraction. Surprise!

E: La Push (the Quileute/Quilayute Reservation)

The beach where I was bounded after by a large seal chillin' on the shore. Frisky little guy. Yes, this location is also very famous, now. I can't help but wonder how the Quileute tribe feels about being on display as a tourist attraction. However, right on the line of the reservation, you will find a sign that says, "Treaty Line: No Vampires Beyond This Point." Something tells me they might not have a big problem with it.

F: The Hoh Rain Forest

The only rain forest in the United States. Strangely enough, considering the weather patterns of the area, this was the only point in our entire day that we saw any rain. And, in all fairness, it was rather expected here. For the record, I have never found moss as beautiful as I have walking through this forest. It covered everything.

G: Ruby Beach

Come on.. how could we not? I think the coolest thing about this beach is that it's where the Hoh River (which we had been more or less following throughout the day) dumps into the pacific ocean. As in, the river runs through the beach itself and you actually see where they meet. It was pretty cool. Unfortunately, my sneakers were not down with this. It was a wet drive home.

I would say my "tour guide" was fairly thorough. It was just a gorgeous drive with scenery you just don't get to experience in my neck of the woods. There were a few other places we would have liked to go, but they are more day trips and better for the summer. Damn straight, I'm going back.

wa: day 3

view from the living room

today wasn't much different from yesterday. a lot more reading (i'm honestly starting to get into it, now) and a little more knitting, way more relaxing.

i did go out for a bit, once the morning rain cleared. as most of the world knows, it rains here. a lot. but it's been pretty clear during the afternoon. my aunt has a spare car - a beastly little accord - that i was offered to borrow. i took her down to the grocery store to pick up some ice cream and get out for a bit, among other things. i wanted to see some people, too. of course, much to my disappointment, there seems to be no accent associated specifically with this part of the country. as it turns out, most people around here come from.. somewhere else.

tonight, i hit up a Pampered Chef party with my aunt that one of her co-workers was hosting. that was actually pretty fun. i love cooking stuff, i love free food, and i love meeting people. it turned out pretty good. oh, and there was a really adorable cat. that always improves.. everything. don't judge, but yes, i bought something. cheap. a scraper, because the ones i have are melted and some cheap crap that i bought for something like $0.99 for a pack of 3. worth it.

not much else to report for the day. however, i am exhausted and need to be up "early" (by 11am EST) to head out for our day trip. ..also, i'd like to do a little more reading..

wa: day 2

The hat I made for baby Elissa

today was my first full day in washington. i woke up at 7:45/10:45a to my gramma checking in, which was fine because that was about as late as i should sleep. i haven't yet decided if i want to keep myself on EST or not. i'm pretty sure i do because a) it keeps me on a great, "normal people" schedule here on the west coast, and b) will make going back to work much less painful if i can manage to continue waking up around 9am EST. either way, i constantly have both times as i haven't changed my watch and my phone automatically adjusts itself.

on top of the time change, we "spring forward" this weekend. my timing rocks. i'm far from pumped. yay spring; boo loosing an hour.

my day was amazing. i didn't go anywhere. it was 40º out and i decided to spend my first official day of vacation doing the things i can't do at home because i feel like i have too much else to focus on. well, nothing to focus on here! no chores, no phone calls, no errands. just knitting (my first completed project to the right, along with my second in progress) and reading. i never read at home. however, prepare to judge me for what i'm reading.

ok, the book starts:

"In the Olympic Peninsula [where i'm staying] of northwest Washington State, a small town of Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds."

twilight is practically a tourist attraction, since i'm here. why not. it's alright, honestly. obviously written for a younger audience, not that i can hold my own age against the author. i didn't think i'd have any interest in anything concerning vampires, but the story is nice. if anything, it's kind of choppy and i would say things move a little too quickly. meyer doesn't seem to take enough time to really develop edward and bella's relationship.

whatever, i'm here relaxing for a week and it's a surprisingly fast 500 page read. whether or not i pick up new moon afterward is a different story. (haa.)

based on the weather, we've decided we'll be spending saturday driving around the peninsula, making stops along the way at a few nature reserves (lakes, waterfalls, photography stuff), the only rain forest in america (AWESOME), and possibly drive down to the beach on la push. probably about an 8 hour day trip. sunday will be the full seattle experience. monday, it's supposed to be almost 60º, so that'll probably be my port ludlow exploration day. assuming my (big) camera makes it that far, i'd like to spend more time down at the marina. we'll see.

so far, this was a pretty good move :)

wa: day 1

totem pole @ the marina in port ludlow, wa

4am woke up

4:07 woke up..

4:14 woke up...

4:40 left for logan

6am lift off, BOS to CHI

8:40 landed in chicago (est)

9:40 lift off, CHI to SEA

1:30p landed in seatac (est)

12:40a ..still up..blogging.. (est)

i have been awake for 20.5 hrs. i'm pretty freakin' exhausted.

as i never travel, the fact that i'm over on the west coast right now is really trippy for me. i've just been going on and on about this trip for so long, the fact that i am finally physically in washington is so surreal to me. it's a pretty sweet feeling, though i do wish i were able to travel more often so maybe it would be a more familiar to me.

i got in to seatac (as you can see, above) at 10:30 this morning, 45 min earlier than scheduled. (awesome.) my aunt (whom i am spending the week with) picked me up and we drove 2 hrs back to her place, which is a beautiful vacation-esque home on the water with a covered deck and - as rumor has it - seals and otters in the "back yard." tomorrow, my first full day in town, i fully intend to spend it knitting, reading, and lounging.. possibly on the deck depending on the weather. it will be the first time i've been able to do those things without the guilt of other chores and errands weighing me down. this is a real day off.

highlights: row to myself on the plane, no waiting at gates, i'm on the freaking west coast

dreams where i can fly.

i had the weirdest dream last night.

i had a dream i was going to visit my cousin in california, though she no longer lives there. i had a layover that was right over the cali border and a 6 hours drive (westward) to where she lived. (i'm not sure if takes 6 hours to get from one side of cali to the other driving only west...)

anyway, she met me there, and then i was all confused about whether i should fly the rest of the way there (even though i was already with her) or drive back with her. i hate long car rides, though. it was just really strange to already be with the person i'm visiting, and then get on a plane to meet her at her house.

i decided to get back on the plane for another 3 hour flight (wtf). when i got on the plane, i was suddenly on a flight out, again to california, but now it was to visit B. C and J were also on the plane, as we had apparently all planned to visit him together. of course, B was on the plane with us, which made no sense seeing as he was the one we were going to see. oh, and i had no pants on. of course. who would wear pants on an airplane?

clearly, my anxiety over my upcoming trip is working its way into my dream. typical.

i'm going to go start my packing list. i cannot believe i leave in 4 days.

shippin' [out of] boston.. whoa-oa-oa.

a week from today, it will be 3:41pm to me, as i will be on the west coast.

i can't believe i'm going to be in seattle, wa next week. i can't freaking wait. technically, i will be an hour and half outside, staying on the water of puget sound where my aunt lives. a few days will be spent in the city seeing all of the touristy stuff, like the space needle and whatnot. also, apparently there's a rain forest about 2 hours away on the olympic peninsula, the only rain forest in the united states. yeah, i'll be there. hopefully, i'll also get to see some friends of mine who live in the city and down in olympia. we'll see how that goes. mr. microsoft might be too busy for me..

of course, the main reason i'm going is to get out of the northeast for a bit. i need such a break from this place it's not even funny. it will be nice just sitting on the water, doing a little nature-walking, spending some quality time with my aunt (whom i see maybe every other year) and having time to knit. yes, i'm serious. especially on the plane.

the weather over there has been consistently 10-15º warmer than what we have over here. i'm down with that. i'm sick of the winter. i could use a little hope for the spring. when i get home, i'll be that much closer to a new england april.

* * * * *

hey, ask me questions. anonymously. i got this from some people on facebook. errbody's doin' it (and gettin' crunk, crunk.) ..just sayin'.

to just.. write.

hey, fellow writers & bloggers,

for those who don't follow LifeHacker, there's a new website they wrote about yesterday called 750words.com. it's a very simple idea where you literally just write 750 words a day (or less.. whatever). it's completely private so you can basically go off on whatever you want, but it'll keep your stats of how long you wrote for, what your wpm was, what your most frequently used words were, and so on. it'll even give it a rating based on content. (i love stats.)

i like it because i need a place to do that, to just write with no real topic or not even completely make sense. it keeps your brain working, ideas flowing, and it's good to keep your typing skills fresh (i typed 107wpm today.. awesome.) it's great if you're suffering from writer's block, too, as i often do.

just thought i'd throw it out there. i know a few people that read this that might appreciate a site like that, so enjoy :)

oh, and start following LifeHacker, too.

shouldn't be up.

It's 1:23am and I have to be up for work in 6 1/2 hours. No big.

I think it's sad that I've had this blog since 2oo7 and I'm pretty sure that Nov - Mar will be the longest gap you'll see in my archives.

I'm coming back here. There's a lot going on and a lot I'm trying to figure out that, believe it or not, has nothing to do with psychological disorders/research. I always work things out better in writing. I won't let this blog turn into something where my only reminders of its exsistence are the e-mails I get about receiving spam comments.. which is what's been happening. What a waste.

Does anyone still follow this blog? Still going to write, just curious of what kind of audience I'm talking at.

false advertising.

I found this picture off a favorite blog of mine, What Not to Crochet, a blog about the stupid ugly shit people have figured out how to create with a crochet hook. Oh, like you didn't know I was a yarn nerd? Pssht.

Anyway, let's take a look at this Art Direction FAIL, shall we?

1) She's "knitting" a blatantly crocheted afghan.
2) She's holding both needles in her left hand. (Come on, even people that know nothing about knitting know they're not fuggin chopsticks.)
3) This blanket OBVIOUSLY does not have 6 colors in it, and even the 3 do not all need to be used at once.

Awful, awful art direction.
On a completely unrelated subject, the model looks strangely familiar.

she says it wasn't popular when i was born..

From Jezebel:

[Click on image to see original article.]

I really miss my blog.

stop putting holes in children.

I have a huge problem with babies with earrings. HUGE.

Sweet lord, look at social acceptance and what it's done to us. Mothers rush their children to the doctor for bumping their head on the coffee table, but then volunteerily let someone punch a hole through their baby's ear? They don't know what's going on.. it hurts like hell even when you DO know what's happening.. and for what? So they have something shiny and pretty? THROUGH their brand new ears. Will you get their stuffed animals' name tattooed on their shoulder, too?

I wonder if anyone's tried to do that.. wouldn't be too shocked.

the ice cream truck vs. WoW.

I heard the ice cream truck head down my street a few hours ago. It was probably driving about 30mph and I thought, I wish I was still excited by the ice cream truck. Maybe I'll grab it one day. Then it occured to me that, had I even had an interest in running out to it, it is pretty unlikely that I could have possibly gotten off my couch and caught the ice cream truck much easier than any other car heading down my street. How on Earth do the kids do it?

Maybe they don't.

The ice cream truck used to be so easy to catch. It would drive about 15mph through the neighborhoods, rightfully assuming that one of the hundreds of kids hanging out in the streets will jump at the opportunity to buy strangely convenient ice cream. For those who are in your teens, you may be too young to know that the only thing you used to be able to do in the summer is play outside. There were wiffleball games and rollerblades and hide-and-seek. Now, there's AIM, World of Warcraft, Halo. Do kids go outside anymore? Of course they do. But you have to admit it's harder to get them to do since there are so many things to do inside now.

I wonder how long it will take for the Ice Cream Man to lose his job.

i probably would.

amen.

stupid black pants.

They're driving me crazy. Every time I put them on, I know that within the hour, I will be walking into a world of pure, unadulterated dysfunction and drama. Unfortunately, the dysfunction is not just on the customers' behalf. Oh, no, we contribute plenty of that on our very own. How grown up of us.

I am not coming up on month 10 of serious, "real-world" job searching with horrifyingly little luck and nothing but 1 measly interview. I have obsessively updated my Monster and LinkedIn profiles to no end and can't imagine what it takes to get a view in this place. How hard is it to find a job sitting at a desk, answering phones, and picking up bitch work that other people don't feel like doing? ..Pretty hard, apparently. But still, I push on.

For those who don't know, I am completing my Graphic Design Certificate at the end of July. It seems far away, but it's only two more modules. Technically, one split into two parts: Portfolio I and Portfolio II. I am pretty excited. Even more so, I'm absolutely thrilled at the idea of rejoining the academic world to work on my degree. I'm leaning heavily towards psychology, but I've been thinking a lot about the medical side of the health world. I'm fascinated by it. Unfortunately, my weak stomach keeps me from a large portion of options in that department, but I can't keep from thinking there might be a place for me. Nonetheless, I'll be studying some form of health science.
On top of that, I'll get to take college courses (for credit!) in graphic design and really work on expanding my skills. That's really exciting for me.

But, it is Friday night.. and it's poker night (ma ma ma ma).
More to come. I really miss writing.

my 12 hour days.

Things that are easy: staying on your feet, going nonstop for 13 hours straight with only a 1 hour break.
Things that aren't as easy: working in a slower, non-energetic job for 8 hours, then sitting in front of a computer and listening to lectures for 3 hours with a total of a 1 hour break.

Sounds odd, but makes sense.

I have two hours left and I am determined to not nod off.. as difficult as that is.

vital update.

• i am 4 classes away from completing the graphics program. (then, it's on to web.) i'm loving it, but stressed about the schedule.
  
• still working @ acmoore, but now under the title of "merchandising supervisor." title aside, nothing else has changed..
• still interning @ meda & still loving it. i worked my first health fair 2 wks ago and it felt pretty good.
• my current roommates are moving out in less than a month and i actually found a roommate *before* becoming retardedly desperate!
• in the same vein, i'm working hard to keep myself grounded about the new roommate. don't want to relive anything..
• i still really love my apt <3 i can't believe it'll be a year at the end of july.

i need to write more. i don't just mean blogging, but actually by hand. my mental state has been.. questionable lately. i don't mean questionable like slipping back into old thoughts, or depressed, or anything. i just feel like i might be able to think straighter and clearer if i actually got back to journaling. you know, with a real pen.. on paper..  that'll be my new goal. to try to write (far away from a computer keyboard) at least a couple times a week. we'll see what that does for clearing my head.

but, yes, blogging, too. i'm going to try to do that. i've got a lot to say. guess i should make time for it.
hope you're all well <3